Grace for 2022

As we started to near the end of 2021, I tried desperately to start taking time for myself. Time to shower, time to work out, time to sit with Jesus. These are not things that should need to be justified yet here I am, day after day, feeling guilty for trying not to lose my mind. 

It's called mom guilt for a reason. Once you become a mama, you worry about everything. It's not a bad thing but you just always think about them before you do anything. Before I sit down to eat something, I make sure they are fed, have juice, clean diaper, and have entertainment, yet it never fails that I forgot something before I take that first bite and they start calling. I can't just sit down because "dinner is ready." 

Before I go to workout, I make sure the baby is fed and laid down for a nap (that lately has only been lasting 45 minutes). I make sure Ellie has had breakfast, a cup full of juice, a clean diaper, and usually daddy's ipad. Typically I give her the ipad because I know it's the only thing that will actually keep her sitting in one place for a 20 minute ride on the Peloton. I hate that I can't do these things without giving her an ipad. I hate feeling like "I'm that parent." 

If I try to take a quick body shower without doing these things, she's pulling all her clothes off to take a shower too. And then it's not quick. And the baby is crying and I can't get Ellie back out of the shower because she's having fun playing and now it's a whole ordeal. Yet here I am watching my girls play together and I'm crying because I feel like a bad mom. I know I'm not but it just sucks. Mom guilt sucks. 

I hate that I need to justify taking time for myself. You see it everywhere. Everyone telling you that you need to take time for yourself. No one tells you how to do it though. No one tells you that you will feel so guilty doing a 20 minute ride that you have to ration if you have enough time to shower or if it'll have to wait until later, like the load of laundry that's been sitting in the laundry room for 3 days. 

I don't really have answers for any other moms going through this other than telling you that you are not alone. That even though you have to fight these voices all day every day, it is important. You do need to be your best self in order to be there for them. It's so cliche but you cannot pour from an empty cup. So you need to fill your cup with Jesus in order to have patience all day. You need to fill your cup with a shower so you can feel good about yourself. You need to fill your cup with a workout so you are less stressed throughout the day. 

Whatever you need to "fill your cup with" do it. Make habits out of it so that it starts to become routine and not trying to justify these things every day. You are important too. You are a good mom.

XOXO